the letter z

Posted in Uncategorized by z on 2010-04-19

There are several analogies for being trans, but I’ve been mulling over one in particular.

Being trans is like swallowing a bit of poison, every day. You are spoon fed this poison by society, and I’m sure you’re all aware how it’s delivered to you: living as a trans person in a predominantly cis society is fraught with danger. But we are also fed the poison by hearing how other trans people are experiencing the poison in their lives as well, we are fed the poison by hearing about others’ struggles, we are fed the poison by the stupidity and casual transphobia rampant in the world.

We ingest a lot of this toxicity over our lifetime.Luckily, from what I imagine, we’ve grown quite tolerant to it.

For me, at least, I can swallow that poison, but up to a point. It becomes too much every now and then, and I need to detoxify. There is an allure to the poison, however; it feeds the anger that has been developing recently, the outrage, the fire. But it’s unhealthy, and I need to avoid it, at least until I feel ready to ingest the poison again.

Except you can’t escape it completely, unless you shut yourself off from the world entirely. You can’t zone out and watch television without the mainstream media deciding to sensationalize some minor fact because someone involved tangentially or not were trans, or watch a movie unless you’ve seen it before and are aware that there’s no references to trans people that are going to make you feel like slamming your fist through a hard object. The poison makes its way to you one way or another. It will be fed to you one way or another, and all you can do is delay the next dose.

Posted in Uncategorized by z on 2010-04-16

I’ve been feeling rather uninvested in critical thought recently, though there have been some things on slow boil in the back of my mind. Mainly I’ve been trying, unsuccessfully, to avoid the internet and all the things that have recently been setting anger aflame inside me: I take that as a signal to disconnect somewhat for a while.