the letter z

On the meaning of life

Posted in Uncategorized by z on 2010-02-17

It is a question that is pondered on occasion: what is the meaning of our pitiful existences, our lifespans, our creation? I think it is staring at us in the face. It is compliance.

We obey, even though, for example, it is in our best interests not to. We obey because we have no other choice to, we comply because the choice boils down to living in a house or living on the streets. We obey because we are being paid to obey. We obey because loved ones ask us to obey.

We mock up choices to make up for our lack of autonomy. We tell ourselves that we have free speech, we have freedom to do what we please in our society, we have freedom to find another job, we have freedom to do this, or that; and while some of those lies we entertain ourselves with are mere propaganda we would like to believe, some of those things are true. And yet we do not act on them. Our individuality, our dignity, our autonomy, gets bartered for much in life.

This is not to say that autonomy is a bad thing, nor is compliance. We are free to sell our autonomy wholly or partially if we so wish. We even do so without thinking in some situations. But autonomy is rarely acted upon, and even rarely so does it even benefit the one who acts upon it. It is the dream, it is the fantasy that we cling to. We like to think that it is closer to us than it actually is. Compliance is the real currency, however. We are continually invested in appeasing something other than ourselves for gain.

I suppose the answer is recognition and detachment. I’m trying to care less about things every day. Why do we care when we are given a hard assignment — a request that you’d rather not do in a relationship, a shit job at work? We do it anyway, for whatever reasons. It is futile to try and resist it. We comply in ignorance, and so we will continue to comply in knowledge of it.


Posted in Uncategorized by z on 2010-02-11

Too much am I determined by those around me. This is not a good thing. I am, however, not quite sure how to rectify this.