the letter z

Posted in Uncategorized by z on 2009-12-31

I’m still a bit drunk, but bear with me.

I reached a moment of enlightenment today, and it goes as follows, that our individual lives are irrelevant so long as we subjugate ourselves to a social convention that determines that we must act contrary to our wishes as to the desire of those with greater willpower than ourselves, in other words, that we obey, not because we want to do so, but because it is socially mandated to do so.

We are irrelevant when it comes to being social, because — it is not necessarily what the majority wants, but it is what is deemed acceptable to want. We are irrelevant as independant actors, as independant human beings, for most of our lives — we do not do what we want to do, we work to earn money, and subject ourselves to the tyrrany of the landlord, or of the bank that supports a mortgage, or whatever greater power that overlords us at either turn.

There is no escaping it. Real independence is like a mirage, completely perceptible to the naked eye, but somehow immaterial during moments of perception where all moments of pretense collapse and one wonders — why am I here, why am I suffering here, right now, this instant? It is usually never because of you yourself that life is hard, and when it is, your moments of clarity when you see that you are hindering yourself from something, you find it hard to really severely blame yourself.

I’m probably rambling, but I felt this was vaguely important to write down. I need some sleep and to feel like less of an inadequate failure in the eyes of the universe.

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