the letter z

My misanthropy

Posted in Uncategorized by z on 2009-08-26

I feel like I am an irrevocably defunct human being.

My life has no direction. I hold myself up to impossible standards. My life is made complex and threatening by my mere existence as a trans, lesbian, woman of colour. I have no real friends of my own to talk to. I am most likely suffering from depression.

And yet, some of these are somehow binds of my own creation — that is not to say, however, that they are any easy to dismantle — and some of these are binds placed upon me by society. This society that we operate in, that multi-faceted being we call collectively humanity, is simultaneously merciless, intolerant, and utterly demanding of conformity and punishing of deviance, and also bristling with tolerance, humility, benevolence, and a thirst for knowledge.

It seems so easy to believe that the former is the prevalent strand of humanity. Look to the news (in no particular order): recently, we have the sickening media festival around the IAAF’s decision to make Caster Semenya an outcast because she had the audacity to perform well and look different, we have trans women dying by the hands of cis people — every third day such a murder is reported, we have the fundamentalist Right lies and violence and the Republican party in the US that showing an utter absence of backbone in repudiating those lies and violence for their own political gain, those lies and violence often racially motivated, or aimed at depriving women of their bodily sovereignty, we have those who in the same breath saying that they belong to a creed that says as one of the highest imperatives to do unto others what you would have done to you and yet they would condemn natural human variance such as sexual orientation or transgender behaviour as the epitome of evil… And it is the face of humanity is the media, thrives on ridiculing and picking on the weak to appease the privileged.

Human history is stained like this in an ongoing fashion backwards through time. We have the potential of such heights, and yet humanity as a whole remains content to be bottom-feeders. There are those who aim to be better than this, but this is like a single drop of water in a massive tank of blood.

We hold the fantasy that the media is supposed to report on the news in an unbiased fashion. We hold the fantasy that states like America, for example, are the bastion of freedom and democracy, and yet we find oppressed classes without effort, who are virtually disenfranchised, discriminated against, and living in poverty. We hold the fantasy that we uphold intelligence, or athleticism, or any other dispassionate characteristic as most important; but these are just that — fantasies — and it is utter lunacy to think that it is otherwise.

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